Theater

Cincinnati ohio

I am currently working on building a turntable for the musical Oliver!. It’s fairly early in the morning, so my brain isn’t completely on yet.

Me: (director) where did all the nails go? I need to tack this board in place so it can look pretty.

Director: they’re over there; be careful not to hit your thumb, you look pretty tired!

Me:well, pain is beauty….(brain moves to a different thought tangent)… I need a hammer!

My director heard: pain is beauty; I need a hammer! And started laughing really hard. 

Restaurant

Sweden

(One of the chefs at this restaurant is known for having Asperger’s Syndrome. Due to this, he’s rarely seen talking with anyone except me and his girlfriend, who’s a waitress. On this day I’m the only waiter as it’s raining a lot. There’s three chefs - including him with Asperger’s - and the other two ignore the fact I’m a lone waiter.)

Chef #1: Hey, [my name], what the f*** is taking you so f****** long?!

Me: I’m the only waiter, for starters…

Chef #2: Stop f****** whining. [Food] and [food] is done.

(I grit my teeth as chef #3 silently watches me. About half an hour later, I’ve finally delivered all food and apologized for the delay. Right as I’ve done so, the waitress who’s dating the third chef comes in.)

Waitress: I’m so sorry [my name]! I wanted to come earlier but with all the rain, well…

Me: Hey, at least you’re here.

Waitress: Yeah. Here, have a seat. I’ll deal with the customers.

(I sit down for a minute or two when chef #2 comes storming up to me.) Chef #2: What the f*** do you think you’re doing, letting [waitress] do all work by herself?!

(At this point, chef #3 walks up to us.) Chef #3: If you have time to go around and complain what people do or don’t, then you can shut the f*** up and start WORKING ON THE GOD DAMN ORDER WE GOT FIVE MINUTES AGO. Besides, [my name] has been working all by himself all morning due to the rain! Stop being such a giant a** towards him and get back to your own job!

(No one has ever seen him angry so we all turn pale. Chef #2 quickly hurries off.) Chef #3: S-Sorry! I didn’t mean to snap like that! It’s just, I saw how much you worked, so…

Me: …You’re officially my new best friend, [chef #3]. I’m glad SOMEONE would give [chef #2] a talking-to! Hell, not even [manager] would do so!

Chef #3: I know. I don’t like him either. In fact, the only people I like here are [waitress] and you, [my name]. As well as all customers who like my cooking.

(Without thinking, I stand up and hug him. I really needed some encouragement that day.)

Cafe/Hospital

Oregon

(At the Hospital I work at I work the upstairs in the main part of the cafe. I am just taking over the Cashier shift from the morning to afternoon when the morning girl (my friend) decides to grab the dishes. At the same time the Server (who is a bit, thick headed) comes up to also grab the Dishes.)

Me: Wow that is funny Friend just went over to get dishes.

Server: oh OK (not paying attention to me and starts to put on gloves)

Me: Yea, Friend is pretty much done with getting the dishes.

Server: (still putting on gloves) OK. (Starts to walk over)

Me: (getting frustrated because I already told her Friend got dishes) What are you doing?

Server: Dishwasher asked me to get dishes.

Me: (Screaming inside) That’s nice, Friend got dishes (at this point Friend is done and walking them around to the elevator to take them downstairs).

Server: Dishwasher told me to get Dishes though.

Me: (very slowly) Friend got dishes, she is done. If you leave now you can meet her at the elevator.

Server: Friend got dishes?

Me: (nodding)

Server: When?

Me: (trying not to sound mean) Just now.

Server: Oh! (walks off)

(face palms, sad thing is this happens All the time with her)

Automobile Parts Manufacturing

Stratford, ON, Canada

[we run 3 shifts, 24/6, and normally I am Quality Control.  We have a QC table that gets used frequently with 50 pound (or more) parts “dropped” on it,  In this moment, I am taking to a member of the QC department]

Me: This table might need a calibration.  It has been a while

QC: Yeah, it is being scheduled to be looked at.

Me: It might need some TLC, given how much it gets used and abused.   It gets abused more than a Catholic altar boy

QC: [dirty look followed by hesitant laugh]  We will have it looked at.

Automobile Parts Manufacturer

Stratford, ON, Canada

[There is some cross-training that takes place in our department.  I am learning to work on ‘OP 5’, which makes subcomponents that is used elsewhere.  My lead’s boss is watching me being taught by one of the veteran co-workers]

LB: [my name] So have you figured out OP 5 yet.  I am sure that [co-worker] has taught you everything.

Me: Yeah, [co-worker] is a good teacher but it might take me a while to get to his speed.

LB:  Well, I want 700 pieces by the end of the shift {normal target is 505 and my co-worker has the current record of 650}

Me: And I want to be six foot tall {Note that I am a short guy about 5’4”}

LB: [pause, then under her breath] Smart Ass [walks away]

Co-worker: How the hell do you get away with that?

Me: I didn’t say no

[In the end, I only did a bit over 200 pieces, I had to go back to my regular role half-way through when someone on our crew had to leave due to illness]

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