Craft Store

Colorado Springs, CO

(I recently purchased some little wooden coffins at a popular craft store chain. I painted them and used decorative tape to turn them into really cute crafts, and I wanted to make more so I went back to the store to buy more coffins. When I got there, I noticed the bin was empty, so I asked an associate for help.)

Me: Excuse me, last time I was here you had some little wooden coffins in this bin. Do you happen to have any more?

Employee: *scans the tag* Hmmm… It says we have 26 in stock, let me check the back for you.

(after about 10 minutes she comes back and tells me that she checked everywhere she could but she has no idea what happened to the 26 they apparently have in stock. I told her I’d check back at another time, and came back about a week later.)

Same employee: Hey! You were the one who wanted the wooden coffins!

Me: Yep! Did you get any more in?

Employee: No, and I kept checking to see if I could find them but I can’t! Let me ask our manager and see if he knows where they are.

Me: Thanks!

(she calls the manager, who comes over to the bin)

Manager: Hmmm… the bin is empty…

Me: Um… Yes. [Employee] said you have some in stock but she can’t find them.

Manager: *scans the tag* Hmm… It says we have 26 of them.

Me: …Well they’re not here, so do you know where they could be?

Manager: Nope!

Me: Okay… Are you going to get any more in?

Manager: Well since we have 26 in stock we can’t order any more.

Me: But they’re not here, so clearly you don’t have any in stock.

Manager: Yes we do, so we can’t order them.

Me: Okay, then. *I turn to leave, and the manager starts laughing. I look at him confused*

Manager: Want to know how much we pay for those things?

Me: Ummm… sure.

Manager: 52 cents each.

Me: Okay… (they sell them for 99 cents, which is still a reasonable price, and as a business major, I understand the markup. I’m still confused as to why he thought it was necessary to tell me this though. He then scans various things in the vicinity, telling me how much they pay for them and how much they turn around and sell them for, laughing the whole time.) 

Wal*Mart

Kansas

(The coworker in this story and I quickly bonded, probably because while we’re twenty everyone else is at least thirty five years old. We’re stocking the cereal aisle and have taken to the habit of both of us stocking the same item at once; each carrying a few and just sticking them in)

Coworker: Stick it in already!

Me: *slides it in* It’s a bit tight. 

Beauty Salon

Uppsala, Sweden

(Im with a friend who’s getting her eyelashes curled and coloured. Even though she now lives in Norway she insists to only go to this place and is literally visiting just to get it done. The lady working is a scary israeli ex-military - some sort of special forces. It should be noted that Im quite allergic and never wear make up, have my eyebrows done or anything. After my friend is done….)

Lady (points to me): You! You come here now!

Me: Me? Why?

Lady: Sit down!

(I slowly and nervously sit down on on the bench in fron of her) Lady (very irritated): Now. I do your eyebrows.

Me: what? No! Why?

Lady: Because you’re annoying me with your freak eyebrows! All the time, I cannot think! Look at your eyebrows!!

Me: Well I dont think….they look like perfectlt normal eyebrows to me….

(the lady is grabbing things and shooing away my giggleling friend while I talk) Lady (mutters): These eyebrows. They’re horrible.

(She forces my down on the bench and start applying wax to me eyebrows in swift motions while holding my shoulder down)

Me: I really dont think…. certainly there’s no need to… OUCH!

Lady (with satisfaction): There. Now you look like normal human! I fixed it.

(stunned I just walk out of hte room, hearing the lady mutter about inner peace now and unibrows. When I get a look in a mirror the eyebrows are weird, thin arches and the skin around is swollen, red, and bledding some from where the skin as been pulled off along with the wax. My friend never went back - but she did laugh all the way home.)

Scammer, Telephone

London

Scammer: “Hello, we have found an error with your computer. We have been receiving reports that other people may be accessing it and stealing information, but don’t worry because we can help.”

Me: “Which computer? We have four.”

Scammer: (hangs up)

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